As ThE nIgHt CaLlS sO dOeS tHe BlOoD oN mY wRiSts !!!!

January 3rd, 2008 at 11:26pm

the pain is killing me
the more i think
the more i die
as i shut my eyes i see you
but not with me
i see me alone
you with someone who i knew
you would end up with
i should have gone when had the chance

Im So Scared
I Fear Of Loseing The Most important Person In My Life
Im Not Hungery SO Im Not Eating
Im Not Sleeping because im scared of the nightmears

i dont wont to leave the house, i dont wonna leave my bed
im scared of what im capable of

im getting suiciude visions and voices in my head

im so unhappy because of one didision i made

im such a fucked up kid at the moment im so scared

Crys in Vain !!!!!

Broken

My heart was broken untill you came along

my life was compleate i had you

then you had to go and distroy it all

you had to make my heart break into thougsands of peases

my life is a drag now your gone

why am i being punished??

 Dreams

You Was My Only Dream!

Now That Dream Has Come True

Ive Got You To Hold

Im Never Going To lEt You Go

Now That Your Mine Im So Happy

If You Ever Leave Me I Know I Would Never Survive

Im alone my world is falling apart

i have a knife in my hand

my heart starts to race

i cant bare to think of the family and friends

im about to leave behind !?!

do i know what im about to do ?

im not going to think about any of that now !

im alone in this house the one place i dont wont to be

i desided i cant go on living anymore

the knife touches my uincoressed skin

i puched the knife in to my arm deeper

then came the shok after that i realised

what i had done for me there was NO MORE PAIN !!!

but for those who i know there is a LIFE TIME OF PAIN !!

I wont you in my arms

i need you in my life

it seems that you no longer love me why??

i wrote you a letter

im the letter ive told you everything

i knew by the time you got my letter i would be dead !!!!

as i sat and thought about the best way for me to escape this nightmear i was living

PAINFUL or PAINLESS??

I have chosequick and painless

i grab the gun and hold it under my chin as i cry

no no

ive changed my mind if this is how im going to die

im going as painful as posible

this is going to be the only time i will feel anything

so i wonder into the kitchen

and i pick up a knife from the side

i then sat myself in plain view of the frount door

as the knife cuts through my skin

i see you for the last time

so i just sit there and smile as if to say you made me do this

just as you look at my arms and see how much they are bleeding

As i hug you

i wisper "i am doing this for you!"

everything i ever was, was not enough

my life is painful

i have seen what you like with other girls

ive seen what type of girls you like

i dont fit that discription

i have never been what you wonted

i have always been your last result in life

i love you so much

but i cant live if i know you dont love me

so i pull a gun from my back pocket

i hold you tight once more

as i pull withn the gun against my head

i tell you that i love you

you tell me you love me to

by then its to late ive pulled the trigger

as i fall to the ground i see the love in your eyes

the love i never thought i would see or feel

as i lie there you slowly watch the life drain from my eyes

you lie next to me wishing that you had not pushed me away

your unhappy because my last words were i love you

when u knew i could be saying it to someone else

my heart is as dead as me and

will not ever love again !!

My last wish was that you would still be mine

i have lost you , and now i have nothing

i dident realise how much you ment to me

or how much i loved you untill i lost you

you are the most important thing in the world to me

you said u couldent live without me

now im starting to know what you mean i cant live without you

when i first met you, you stole my heart

i feel worse coz now i have mine back and i broke yours

and now to fix your only broken heart!

Im going to take my life so you can have mine

im so sorry for all the pain ive caused you

you will no longer have to worrie

because as i write this i hold a gun to my head

and hope i have the guts to pull the trigger !!

things have been so bad

and i promised you i would never cut again

you even watched me

throw my blade into a bin while we were in town !!!

im sorry but things have got worse i need to cut

its the only way i can relive stress

Im feeling so low

and im sorry but the sharperner in my bag wass glisterning

as the light hit the blade it looked sharper than ever.

I broke the glisting blade from it dull plastic caseing

it has a sharper look than before

as it makes an incision in my skin

i feel the stress just flow away,

i realise thats its not just the

stress, worrie, pain and fear it's

also countless amounts of my blood

i start to feel alittle light headed and i just sit there,

thinking about how long it will take for my life to end

As the light begins to fade

i see your pictour in my hands

i can now see how much u will be able

to get on with your life without the worrie of me being in your way

The light fades , my head hits the floor and im gone within seconds

im no longer around to ruin you life anymore

i am now that you can get on with your live !!

hi all this is another thing i wote of the top of my head

I wont you in my arms

i need you in my life

it seems that you no longer love me why??

i wrote you a letter

im the letter ive told you everything

i knew by the time you got my letter i would be dead !!!!!!!!!!!

as i sat and thought about the best way for me to escape this nightmear i was liveing

PAINFUL or PAINLESS??

i deside painless sounds better

i grab a gun from under the stairs and hold it to my head crying

but i sat  there and thought if im going to die im going to die with as much pain as posilble

so i walk slowly to the kitchen a pull out a knife from the nearst draw

i sat there in the hallway in plain view of the door

as the knife cuts my skin i hear the door go

i look up and i see you for the last time

i sit ther and smile as if to say this is how much i loved you 

that i would do anything for you

as you look at my arms you stand there with shock at what you can see

you run to me but by the time you got to me

you just saw the last bit of life i had drain from my eyes

this was the worst way for me to go

just before i died i saw the love for me in your eyes

i may have thought it was the best thing for me

but i did this for you not for me

i did this so you could get on with your life

i dident desirve you even if i loved you that little bit more

as you sit there reading the letter i wrote you

you find out how i felt

i did this so i would stop hurting inside

but you should be happy now

because i got rid of the one peropson you dident wont around anymore

ME !!

anything i have writen in my jernals is actualy how i feel

Last And Never Again!!!!

As i hug you
i wisper "i am doing this for you!"

everything i ever was has never been enough

i was never what you wonted

my life has always been painful

i have seen what your like with other girls

ive seen what type of girls you like,

i dont fit that discription

i have never been what you wont

i have always been your last resort in life

i love you so much but i cant live,

with the feeling that im not loved by you

so i pull a gun from my back pocket

i start to cry and i hold you tight for the last time

i pull back and say ' i love you '

as i hear u say i love u i pull the trigger

by then its to late as you hear the

gun hit the floor your reactions quicken

as i lay dead you lie next to me and cry

wishing you had payed more attention to how i felt,

that you hadent pushed me away

you felt so guilty that you was

the last person i said ' i love you ' to

28.02.07

there thats it let me know what you think plz x x x x x :P